Happy 2nd Birthday (Sunday) Lucas and Happy 2nd Coming Home Day (Wednesday)!
How can it be 2 years? Most days, it still feels like yesterday that Lucas was placed into my arms. It still feels like we drove to Puyallup that Monday night to bring him home just yesterday.
Adoption is a beautiful and amazing gift to our family. Adoption makes my heart literally stop some days with awe and joy, and honestly, sometimes pain. My story is my story, and while some may not understand how deep adoption runs in my heart, of how protective I am of my kids, that's ok. This is my story of 2 years with Lucas and Ella as siblings!
This is what makes the journey of life so amazing to me: these two.
Simply, these two and how close they have become. From the moment Lucas came home, Ella (or as he calls her Lala) has been extremely protective of him. She is always watching for his needs, or his safety, or whatever it may be. Lucas - oh goodness - he copies everything she does, every sound she makes, every noise. He's the easy going, happy go lucky kid that ever lived. Music, spicy food, books, dinosaurs, dump truck and cars make that little man live life. They chase each other around the kitchen, they tackle each other and play fall down Lala. And they do their fair share of arguing and yelling too :)
I love this journey that we are on, and while some days I still wish that I could have birthed a child again I know that God has led us on the road we are on. My journey has its up's and down's emotionally and I've learned to accept those feelings and not feel guilty for thinking them.
While I am blessed that I did not need to wait months for my child like so many adoptive families have to in the international adoption realm, I became his mama 3 days into his life. I missed 3 days of his life, I missed his birth. My heart is saddened for that. For 3 days, he was in foster care and was called "Baby Boy". He didn't even have a name. That makes my hear ache.
But, everyday, I am amazed and blessed at how much my son loves me - if it be him calling my name in the middle of the night, of him running to me every morning and needing a hug just because, of him putting his arms around me legs and taking my hand and dragging me to the couch to cuddle. All these things are a gift to me. I am so thankful that the Lord has given me a son who literally needs to be touch, to be kissed, to be held. He literally needs that - it;s not something we forced. it's innate him.
And adoption is a beautiful thing to see through the eyes of my daughter. She will sometimes out of no where say "Hey mama - do you remember that sunset we saw the night we drove to bring Lukie home?" I remember when she was learning about Martin Luther King at school last year and she came home and told us in shock that black people could not sit in the front of buses back then, but since she was white, she could. When I asked her how she felt about that or what she would have done if Lucas and her were on that bus, this was her answer "Well, mama - I'd go sit with Lucas in the back of course. I mean, he's my BROTHER!" Like, why would you even ask such a silly question mama was her tone. That put a smile on my face :)
Adoption is beautiful. It's a beauty that included amazing joy, sometime sadness, and sometimes confusion. It's life that has drawn my husband, me, daughter and son even closer together. But regardless, it's a path of my life that I am so grateful for, and so thankful to the Lord for allowing me to walk.
Journalings of a mother and wife and a women loved by God, who is a survivor of Post Partum Depression and Anxiety. And who now is a mama to three beautiful children, all unique and special in their own way.
Saturday, September 13, 2014
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Mother's Day
Today, my mind and heart, like last year have been thinking about a lady that I don't know, yet, who I owe so much to. Her name is P.
Most days, I think about her. Some days, I even cry when I think and pray for her. I wonder if she thinks about us, I wonder if she thinks about my son, I wonder if she cries, I wonder if she smiles, I wonder if she cares, I wonder what she is thinking at that very same moment as me. I wonder if I will ever meet her. Some days, I just look at her picture and study her face, trying to understand her more.
While I may never know what she feels or thinks, I want her to know what I think and feel, especially this second Mother's Day for me with two sweet kids. P is loved by me. She is loved by my kids. She is loved by my husband. She is valued. She is beautiful to me. She demonstrated a love I can not fathom. She is a mom.
To my son's birthmom P, on this Mother's Day, thank you.
Love from one mama to another.
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