The expectations of what I thought a mommy was to be like have been a hindrance and part of my journey with PPD. Getting over guilt has been part of the road to recovery. And recovery has been realizing that being a mom does not mean perfection. That I am not guilty for having PPD and that having PPD does not have to be the measuring stick of what my past as a mom is like, now or with the next.
Today, my house is a wreck. There are toys everywhere, dishes are piled up in the kitchen. Most days I live in a t-shirt, sweats and my hair in a pony tail. How people see me outside my house is much different than what I normally look like. Before, I would have thought that I was a bad wife and mother because of all these things. In reality, I am better than I have ever been. 2 years ago was a different story.
Sometimes I have felt inadqueate because I do things that I had told myself I would NEVER do. Never say NEVER! I would never have dishes piled up, I would have my kids watch very little tv shows, I would always have dinner ready, I would always keep up with the laundry, I would never raise my voice at my kids, I would always have a prayful mind, I would do devotions every single day to be a better wife, etc... the list can go on and on.
My expectations of what I thought a mom was to be like have greatly changed, and I still struggle almost daily about what is realistic and true. By I know that I have hope in Christ and that HE is the one who will make me who HE wants me to be.
2 comments:
I can so identify with unmet expectations and how life just doesn't cooperate sometimes with what we wanted or had hoped for. I have really appreciated your transparency. Thanks for posting. :)
I don't doubt that the majority, if not all of us, enter into parenthood having no idea how many of our idealizations are totally unrealistic. I struggle so often with real and perceived failure. I don't know what it is that drives my expectations of perfection, and ultimately leads to my sense of failure. I love this quote I once came across. "The most important step regarding moving on is realizing that things will never go back to the way they used to be. The reward for moving on is not getting back what once was, but rather finding something even more special and rewarding." So I try to reframe things to find that more rewarding part. It is good to be vulnerable it helps others know its ok not to be perfect, and that they are not alone, and you find that you also are not alone.
Becca L
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