My Guest Post at PPD to Joy~

Today, I have the honor of writing a guest post over at PPD to Joy.

Yael Saar of PPDtoJoy.com survived postpartum depression twice, and became a mama on a mission to remove guilt, shame, and blame from parenting. Her facebook group Mama's Comfort Camp has over 150 mamas from all over the world supporting each other with self-care and self-kindness. https://www.facebook.com/mamas.comfort.camp, 

 Yael will soon be teaching her (Not)Secret (Not)Weapon online class about disarming anxiety and anger with practical bodymind methods and emotional safety nets. How cool is that? Check it out at http://www.ppdtojoy.com/not-secret-not-weapon/.

Here is a link to my post on anxiety! 

Go take a look. I hope it helps and encourages each of you.
 

A day late - May 31st. - 5 years old

So I am a day late on this post, but, it's ok! It's for me.

Yesterday my baby girl turned 5 years old. I can't believe she is "one hand" in age - the time has gone by so fast, and yet, so slow. The time has been filled with much pain, much heartache, much hard work, much healing and much joy.

I tried very hard this year to make her day special for her and to be careful of showing her how down I was. May 31st is always hard for me - it's a reminder of the desire that I still have deep down for more children and that I will never give birth to another little one. My way of getting a little one is taking a longer time than anticipated.

But I tried - it's not fair to Ella. I smiled, I loved her, I kissed her, I tickled her, I made memories with her to remember. And I was reminded:

She is the sweetest gift the Lord has given me. I love her and it is her that makes me love her each day.   I had to do a mental shift this year and just enjoy the moment. Don't use her day to wish for what I don't have now. I have her. And she is enough.

I can dream and desire another little one, but I need to remember that I have everything I need.

Last year I wrote that I honestly thought and prayed that this birthday Ella would have a sibling to celebrate with. She does not. But I will say again this year. It is my biggest prayer, my biggest desire. I hope and pray that come next year, she will have a sibling to celebrate with!