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Saturday, December 31, 2011

End of the year. I am better.

I made it through another year, but this one was better than the last 3 years. This year I actually feel like I made huge progress that even I can see and feel. Usually, it's other people that tell me I am doing better but I never felt it myself.

I truly feel that this year was the year that PPD finally left. If someone were to ask me, I would tell them that I finally got better this year, for many reasons.

* I started with a phyciatrist who has helped wonders monitoring my medication better and who has let me lead as to when I want to stop certain ones. She also has been a huge cheerleader for me because she sees huge steps being made since I only see her about every 3-4months.

* I started new meds that have worked great for my anxiety, but at the same time, I have been able to not become so dependant on them as I was say, 10 months ago.

* I have been working with my counselor on issues that are very hard for me, and he is not letting them go, or allowing me to push them under the rug anymore.

* I have a husband who continues to support me, but who also knows when to push me. He has pushed me lot this year.

* I have friends on the PPDChat facebook page as well as a group of PPD survivor ladies who email each other as we are all planning our next baby after PPD. Those emails and the FB posts have probably brought the biggest healing for me. I can be honest in these two groups and really lay it out there when I am struggling. They understand and know what to say, to push me to better myself and to not let the PPD rule me.

I look forward to this coming year. And I have not said that before in a few years. I look forward to this year because I know it will be better. And maybe, just maybe, a new little baby will arrive this year. The wait has been long and one of the hardest things I have had to deal with this past year. But that topic is for another blog post.