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Monday, November 30, 2009

A new journey ahead

Anniveraries - they are those special days or moments in our life that we remember, whether for good or bad reasons. I tend to remember dates in my life, why I don't know. I can remember the day I met my husband, the day I felt my baby inside of me move, and then I remember days of sadness - the day I realized PPD in my life, the day I started medicine, etc...

Some anniversaires mark the start of a new journey and that is what Friday, Dec. 4th means to me. Two years ago on that Friday, I went to talk to our pastor about what was wrong with me and I remember him telling Rick and I that, yes, I did have PPD and that is could be awhile before I felt better. Little did I realize that the journey God has had for me to walk through for the last two years would change my life so much - having to have othes help me, feeling helpless most days, feelings of failure, guilt, fear, lonliness, anger, and so much more that I wish I could forget.

But, now, Dec. 4th is the beginning of a new journey for me. For the last two years, I never felt like it was going to end and I didn't know what to do. This Friday, I start a different road - a new milestone that I hope is much more joyful than the last Dec.4th. I am hoping to learn how to take what the Lord has brought me through and learn to live with the experience in my past, not in the present. I am wanting to be able to say to others, "I had PPD in 2007-2009" instead of saying "I have PPD since 2007." Might seem like something small, but to me, I am wanting to move on, not forgetting what I have learned though. How to do this, I don't know and some days it feels like it will never happen nor end.

I am tired of blaming everything on PPD in my life and, even if it is true that PPD still affects me, I so wish I could life my life normally in spite of it. Perhaps that is what I will begin to learn this Friday from a women who has helped others walk the road I have had to crawl on most days. Today being no exception.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Reality of Life

Again, I was reminded today that PPD is a life chanding event. It really hits me when I read something about another women who has gone through PPD and I once again re-live my last 2 years by reading someone else's journey and realize that every thought, pain, memory, fear, etc... has been experienced by someone else.

I have begun to realize though that writing out what I have felt the last 2 years is sorta a healing process for me. For months, I could not even talk to anyone about it, otherwise I would burst into tears. Now, as my head is getting clearer, journaling what I am feeling and thinking about on a daily basis, how I get through each day is helping me.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Where to begin?

Where does one begin when they start a blog for the first time ever?

At the present moment, I have around 100 blogs I follow - some friends, some stangers, lots on Decorating on a budget, some inspirational ones geared towards encouraging women, and lots of blog with before and after pictures of projects people are working on - most of them strangers. I have gleaned so many new ideas for decorating, creating gifts for others, making my home more inviting, comfortable, liveable, caring for my E, and learning to love my husband even more daily, etc.... from these many blogs.

So because of that, I decided a few nights ago that I want a place where I can journal what I am learning, sharing pics of what I am working on, rambling about what I am learning or struggling with in life and just being real.

Why did I choose the title "Living Life Joyously" as my blog? Well, if you know me, you know that the last 2 years of my life have been very difficult. A time for me to take a step back and realize that I do not understand God's purposes but I am here to live it out. As my head has cleared, I am realizing that Joy is something that I purposely have to keep at the forefront in my mind. Looking at the situation at hand, and trying to find the good it in.

Joy in the Lord is what keeps me going some days. Joy in my heart helps me to have the right attitude toward my daughter, husband, struggles, and hurts. I don't mean that I am a happy go luck type of girl who is always cheerful all the time! By no means! But I am working on have the Joy of the Lord be my Strength.

Today, I think of Joy as seeing the sunrise and realizing THIS is a new day - created my God and I am hear to live it out! You know that feeling you get when you look out the window and see the sun rising? It's that peaceful, all is well, I love life, God is good, a fresh start feeling that puts a smile on my face.

~Live Joyously today~