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Saturday, September 14, 2013

To my sweet son's other mother.

Words of gratitude to my son's birth mother:

I can't express fully how I feel for you. You do not know me, but I know you. I see you in my son's eyes, I see you in my son's smile, and I see you in my son's love.

365 days ago, you gave birth to a beautiful boy, whom I am so blessed to call my son. While I may not have known you then, I prayed for you that day. Yes, I prayed for my future son or daughter's birth mom for almost 25 months. So, last year, as you labored, I was praying for you, praying for the safety of my son's birth, not knowing if either of you existed. We just prayed in faith.

It is because of you that I have been honored to love and hold my son the last 12 months. He has grown leaps and bounds, from learning to sit, to getting 6 teeth, to learning to stand on his own, to learning his sister's name, to giving me loves that I treasure every moment.

This little man that we both love in our own ways is blessed beyond measure. I am blessed beyond measure for the decision you made 365 days ago. While I will never understand what you felt, I want you to know - you are an incredible woman. I love you for the gift of my sweet son, my second child, the little brother to his big sister.

Tonight, after all the festivities are over and it's bedtime for Lucas, we will again, like we always do show him your picture. We will tell him of your love for him and he will again, take his hand and stroke your face in the picture, trying to say your name.

Thank you. You are deeply loved in our home and will always be in my heart, every day that I breathe.

From one mother to another ~Amy


Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Remember the little things -

Some days I feel like I am a new mom to an almost 1 year old, feeling like I am experiencing all this for the first time, some days forgetting that I have a 6 year old daughter who was once 1 year old :)  There was a time in Ella's life - roughly from when she was 8 - 18 months old that I do not remember. I have no recollection of that time. I see pictures of her at those ages and I have no memories. I can thank the PPD for that. It still makes me sad some days, since I feel like those months were stolen from me.

Perhaps that is why, that for a lot of Luca's life the past few months, I have been trying to remember certain things that he does that I don't remember doing with Ella. I am sure I did, but I was so sick, that most days, when she was a baby, I did nothing.

Today, as I was holding Lucas, he and I starting playing this little game that we have been doing for months. I refer to it as the  "do you need another love?" game.

Whenever he is sitting in my lap facing me, he will throw his face into my chest and bury his head, then 3 seconds later lift his head and laugh. I then say, "Do you need another love?" and he does it again. Over and over. Today, I changed it to "Mama needs a Lukie Love" - he'd throw his face into me and giggle and give me a hug.

It's things like that that I don't want to forget.