page background

Monday, September 14, 2015

3 year old son!

It's tradition. I write a blog post on the birthday's of my children. It's for me as a way to remember who they are and who they are becoming. Today, is no exception!

My son is 3. It still feels like yesterday that I held him in my arms, at 3 days old. It seems like yesterday that he became a part of our life.

Last night, as I held my son and sang him a song and said prayers with him before bed, I realized that he holds a special place in my heart.

For me, his love and snuggles and sweetness and how he shows his expressions of love to me still makes my heart stop. 3 years ago today, I did not know he was born, let alone existed on this earth. I did not know that the Lord would bless our family with a son in a short 72 hours.

No, 3 years ago today, I was not present for his birth, I was not there. And while I wasn't there, I still loved him, even before I knew him. There is no way to explain the amount of love I felt within a mere few seconds of him being placed into my arms. I didn't matter that I was not pregnant for the last 9 months. I had prayed and waited 2 years, 1 month and 1 day for him to be my child.

I never take my love for him for granted. It's a love that surpasses all blood, all likeness, all race, all everything. It's a love that includes every part of him. And he in turns shows me a love that is unconditional. I am mama.

To his wonderful birth mom "P", today, like most days, I think of you. I pray for you. Last night as I held my son, your child too, in my arms, I cried for you. I cried as Lucas and I prayed for you. We pray that today, may your heart be touched, may you experience the Peace of the Lord and may you know that we love you, and our Heavenly Father loves you infinitely.

I love you Lucas. We love you "P".

Monday, June 1, 2015

A birthday of JOY and Strength

It's tradition that I write something on my kids' birthday. I'm 24 hours late, but the post has been mulling for 2 days so it counts right? :)

My girl is 8. How that happened I don't know. It seems like yesterday that I gave birth to the 9lb 10oz bundle of joy that she was. Yes, she was a big baby and I'm still proud to this day of that accomplishment!

Honestly, though, her birthday is always filled with sadness for me, a day filled with looking back in time, of realizing her birth started the downward cycle of PPD that took years away from me, years of memories of my daughter that I still can't remember. Yes, usually her birthday is a very hard day for me, emotionally and mentally.

Thankfully, this year, it was the first year where I was just so happy and filled with joy. As the years pass, so do the memories of PPD, but also, as the years pass, I remember how strong I am. I walked a road that many mom do, but I am stronger for it. I survived and my daughter has been instrumental in my healing. She is kind, she is sweet, she is understanding and this past year, I have seen a strength and strongness (yes, I just made that word up) in her that is rare in kids her age. She has learned to be strong in her own road of pain, and I realized on her birthday, we are very much alike. She's battle physical pain that I can't understand and she always fights. Today, she's gone 85 days without pain, without a fever. She's happy and for that I am SO grateful.

Everyone always says, she is the smitten image of her daddy, and yes, I have to agree. But, she's got my strongness in her and I'll take that!!!!

Happy Birthday Ella Kathleen - your mama is proud of you and your sweetness that you show to all.