Justifing

Over at Postpartum Progress Michelle wrote a post that is so good, I don't want to forget it, hence I am linking it here to my blog.

What she writes is true and very raw - why moms with PPD feel that we have to justify to others why we are "sick".  The justifying takes so much energy.

Her last paragraph though brings you full circle. I have copied it here because I want to come back and read it over and over on days that I relapse and hate life and hate what PPD did to me, and when I feel like life it unfair that I have to deal with lingering affects of PPD daily.

"So what do I do when faced with these situations? I hold on to the image of my family as we are now. Me sitting on the couch finally managing to get a sip out of the cup of tea that has long gone cold, cat perched on my wobbly baby belly doing her little kneading thing. My normally ever-so-serious-looking husband sitting across from me in an armchair with my two precious little ladies crawling all over him, all three squealing and laughing. Every so often one of my girls glimpses over and catches my eye, as if to say, “Maman, this is what it’s about.” And it’s then that I realize I shouldn’t need to justify. Our story as a family brings us to moments like these and to justify the route we took to get here only takes away from the contentment of these moments."

Here is the full blog post: Trying to Justify.

I am valued.

I just read an excellent article over at The Power of Moms. While I have never read anything from there before, I thought her post today was spot on. This was the part I loved most:

"Can we remind each other that it is our uniqueness and love that our children long for? It is our voices. Our smiles. Our jiggly tummies. Of course we want to learn, improve, exercise, cook better, make our homes lovelier, and provide beautiful experiences for our children, but at the end of the day, our children don’t want a discouraged, stressed-out mom who is wishing she were someone else."

My biggest issue from during my battle with PPD, and even now, was comparing myself to other moms who in my mind seemed to have it all together. How to they manage? How can they keep up appearances and still have a clean home, etc....

I have had to come to realize that I will get no where with comparison. Might seem obvious to you, but for me, I thought "they" were the good wives and moms and I was a failure. I don't have a clean home, some days I am still in sweats and a t-shirt by the time Rick comes home, I have piles of paperwork that I hide when people come over :)

At the end of the day thought, what matters most? What will last?

For me, it's realizing that my daugther still loves me, still comes over and gives me random hugs during the day cause she wants to; she wants me to sit on the couch with her and watch Winnie the Pooh, she loves pj days, and in the end, she really thinks I am awesome. I mean come on, she tells me that I am her best friend :)

For me, it's realizing that my hubby still loves me, still comes home and hugs and kisses me and says I am an awesome wife, wants to me sit at night with him on the couch and talk, and tells me that I am the best thing that ever happened to him.

They need me. They need me to be content with me. Content with what I think of myself. Content with who I am.

I am grateful that my little family every day shows and tells me that I am valued the way  I am.