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Saturday, August 31, 2013

Dedication verses

When each of our sweet kids were dedicated to the Lord, picking a special life verse for them was something I really loved thinking about.

Ella was dedicated on August 20th , 2007 and Lucas was dedicated April 21st, 2013.

For Ella, her verse came pretty quickly. I remember Rick and I wanted a verse that were the words of Jesus with a clear instruction on how to live.

For Lucas, given his special story, we wanted something that would be a constant reminder of the Lord's love and trust in his life.

I had always envisioned the verses on their walls, and finally saw this idea on Pinterest years ago. I finally did it! I wanted them to be something that they would have on their walls throughout their growing up years, even till they move on and start their own families.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Almost 1 year

As my sweet son is soon to be 1 year old next month, my mind has been going back to so many wonderful, precious memories from the past 12 months. What a 180 from last year at this time. Summer 2012 was probably, outside of my PPD, the hardest time for me. I was as low as I could be, wondering if the Lord would ever bring me a baby - and here we are 12 months later with a beautiful boy who I am honored and blessed to call mine.

Moments this past year that I treasure still:
  • That calming moment when time stood still as Lucas was placed into my arms at 8pm that wonderful Monday night.
  • Waking up when he was 2 days old, and seeing Rick holding his son skin to skin in bed - both daddy and son had this most amazing stillness to them both.
  • The day his eyes turned from that steely blue I loved to the deep brown that look into me deeply.
  • The day when Lucas truly recognized Ella when she came home from school and Lucas turned to her and smiled and almost laughed.
  • June 14 - the day that Lucas turned 9 months old. He had now heard my voice as long as a pregnancy and something in me knew that I was his mama.
  • May, Mother's day - the first night Lucas fell asleep in my arms in his chair after his night bottle.
  • The way that he always needs to know where I am in a room - his eyes look for me and then he's content.

Lucas has brought the most joy, the most amazing joy to my life. He has been like a healer to my soul, when it was at the deepest pit of pain and lonliness.

My dear son - may you ALWAYS know that you are the greatest love to my life. You and your sister bring a fullness to my life, together, the two of you!

Sunday, August 4, 2013

It's been a long time - so much has happened.

I realized tonight that it's been over a year since I've written anything. For awhile there, I was writing every day or so. But last June, I realized I needed a break. I needed a break from writing, thinking, feeling, dwelling on post partum depression. I needed to go into hibernation from it all and stop. I know that when I started this blog, it was a place for me to heal from PPD by writing about it. Last year though, it was time for me to take a step away from it all.

Life has been a rollercoaster of emotion for me since I last wrote. Last June, my heart was breaking almost everyday, just dreaming and desiring my adopted baby. Some days I felt like time stood still. Other days, I was so low and angry that I wasn't to just hide and talk to no one.

But God knew. During all those months of pain and lonliness in my heart, my baby boy was in his birthmother's womb, growing, already known by God.

And now, I am so ready to say on this blog that God answered our prayers of over 2 years and gave us a son, gave my daughter a brother. In September of last year - yes, he's turning a year next month!

I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but honestly, I needed and wanted to revel in the amazingness of it all and needed time for me to just enjoy the time.