It amazes me somedays what PPD will dredge up in your life. At least for me, it did that. I guess you could say that PPD made me re-think, re-look and re-evaluate everything I thought, believed and put any trust in, things and people included. It made me take a step back and really deteremine who and what were important for me to put my energies back into.
When I had nothing in me, (to even think about what to eat for lunch because that very thought exhausted me,) by the time I began to come out of the fog, I realied that I had very little in me and that anything I did or believed was going to have to matter. The Lord brought the opportunity to finally address some things in my life that I had thrown into the furthest corners of my mind and thought and heart.
What are those things you ask that I have had to rethink and determine are valuable in my life again. The list is long and detailed but here is a general idea:
What type of mom do I want my children to remember?
Who is God to ME - not to those around me or how I was raised.
Why do I worship Him?
Who around me encourages me to be the real *me*?
Who can I be myself around and not feel judged?
It is not selfish to spend time for me - to get re-energized. It's ok for me to think that.
Have I dealt with past hurts/fears? What am I doing to heal?
What type of thoughts do I allow to rule me? are they fear/trust/truth/joy based?
Give myself grace daily to allow myself to be who I am today - not who I was yesterday or who I want to be tomorrow.
I am still dealing with alot in my life right now, but I have also come a long way. The last 3 years has made me look deep within me and heal from things, grow in other areas, do things that are out of my comfort zone because I am determined to change, to live life and to enjoy the journey.