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Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Remember the little things -

Some days I feel like I am a new mom to an almost 1 year old, feeling like I am experiencing all this for the first time, some days forgetting that I have a 6 year old daughter who was once 1 year old :)  There was a time in Ella's life - roughly from when she was 8 - 18 months old that I do not remember. I have no recollection of that time. I see pictures of her at those ages and I have no memories. I can thank the PPD for that. It still makes me sad some days, since I feel like those months were stolen from me.

Perhaps that is why, that for a lot of Luca's life the past few months, I have been trying to remember certain things that he does that I don't remember doing with Ella. I am sure I did, but I was so sick, that most days, when she was a baby, I did nothing.

Today, as I was holding Lucas, he and I starting playing this little game that we have been doing for months. I refer to it as the  "do you need another love?" game.

Whenever he is sitting in my lap facing me, he will throw his face into my chest and bury his head, then 3 seconds later lift his head and laugh. I then say, "Do you need another love?" and he does it again. Over and over. Today, I changed it to "Mama needs a Lukie Love" - he'd throw his face into me and giggle and give me a hug.

It's things like that that I don't want to forget.

1 comment:

Kimberly said...

Oh I know this all too well.
I cannot remember much of anything during the first year aside from the pain. It overshadowed parenting and loving and enjoying.
But look at it this way, she is 6 now and that is a new time for her and you...experience it and take it all in.
Second chances are a blessing. I don't know how it can trigger the grief again in losing out on so much since I only have one, but I imagine that it isn't easy.
There is so many more opportunities to be had and stored in that memory bank of yours. Promise.