Last week at an appointment with a new pediatric eye doctor, I again was punched in the stomach for what was said in front of me AND my child. Whenever I go to appointments for any of my children, I do a little self talk beforehand in the car. I've learned that I have to be a strong advocate for each my of kids, and each kid's needs are different in an appointment. I remember walking into this pediatric eye appointment without confidence. Not a good combo.
Doctors ask alot of questions. Nurses asks alot of questions. I've learned to word my adoptive children's utero experiences with people and doctors as concise as possible without telling too much of their story. Something that I have to continually tweak and learn as they get older and will start to have their own voice in appointments.
As I was sitting with my little one on my lap, I gave a brief summary of Josiah's past. Immediately, the doctor, in front of my child made a comment that hurt me deeply. "Oh don't you just hate birth mom's who make such stupid stupid decision. Don't they even care about their child?"
I was literally so stunned that there were no words that came out of my mouth. Some days I choose to educate. That day, I chose to be silent. Silent because I was so shocked. Silent because I was hurt so deeply for my child's birth mom. Silent.
I was literally so stunned that there were no words that came out of my mouth. Some days I choose to educate. That day, I chose to be silent. Silent because I was so shocked. Silent because I was hurt so deeply for my child's birth mom. Silent.
As I've thought long and hard about that day, I've had to realize that I should have said something. I should have spoken up. I should have stood up for my child who could not speak for himself yet.
Adoption is a road that continues to push me to be strong. To be unliked by doctors. To be misunderstood. That's ok. I need to. It's my duty to my boys.
Adoption is not all rainbows and butterflies. It's hard days when you get into your car and burst into tears because your child's birth mom was once again talked about with disgust, with anger, with no compassion.
My job as I love my kids is to allow them to grow into their stories with patience, love, compassion, understanding and always standing by them. And it starts with me always being their advocate.
And since I know I'll be asked - no, we will not be returning to this clinic.
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