Anniveraries - they are those special days or moments in our life that we remember, whether for good or bad reasons. I tend to remember dates in my life, why I don't know. I can remember the day I met my husband, the day I felt my baby inside of me move, and then I remember days of sadness - the day I realized PPD in my life, the day I started medicine, etc...
Some anniversaires mark the start of a new journey and that is what Friday, Dec. 4th means to me. Two years ago on that Friday, I went to talk to our pastor about what was wrong with me and I remember him telling Rick and I that, yes, I did have PPD and that is could be awhile before I felt better. Little did I realize that the journey God has had for me to walk through for the last two years would change my life so much - having to have othes help me, feeling helpless most days, feelings of failure, guilt, fear, lonliness, anger, and so much more that I wish I could forget.
But, now, Dec. 4th is the beginning of a new journey for me. For the last two years, I never felt like it was going to end and I didn't know what to do. This Friday, I start a different road - a new milestone that I hope is much more joyful than the last Dec.4th. I am hoping to learn how to take what the Lord has brought me through and learn to live with the experience in my past, not in the present. I am wanting to be able to say to others, "I had PPD in 2007-2009" instead of saying "I have PPD since 2007." Might seem like something small, but to me, I am wanting to move on, not forgetting what I have learned though. How to do this, I don't know and some days it feels like it will never happen nor end.
I am tired of blaming everything on PPD in my life and, even if it is true that PPD still affects me, I so wish I could life my life normally in spite of it. Perhaps that is what I will begin to learn this Friday from a women who has helped others walk the road I have had to crawl on most days. Today being no exception.