So I am a day late on this post, but, it's ok! It's for me.
Yesterday my baby girl turned 5 years old. I can't believe she is "one hand" in age - the time has gone by so fast, and yet, so slow. The time has been filled with much pain, much heartache, much hard work, much healing and much joy.
I tried very hard this year to make her day special for her and to be careful of showing her how down I was. May 31st is always hard for me - it's a reminder of the desire that I still have deep down for more children and that I will never give birth to another little one. My way of getting a little one is taking a longer time than anticipated.
But I tried - it's not fair to Ella. I smiled, I loved her, I kissed her, I tickled her, I made memories with her to remember. And I was reminded:
She is the sweetest gift the Lord has given me. I love her and it is her that makes me love her each day. I had to do a mental shift this year and just enjoy the moment. Don't use her day to wish for what I don't have now. I have her. And she is enough.
I can dream and desire another little one, but I need to remember that I have everything I need.
Last year I wrote that I honestly thought and prayed that this birthday Ella would have a sibling to celebrate with. She does not. But I will say again this year. It is my biggest prayer, my biggest desire. I hope and pray that come next year, she will have a sibling to celebrate with!