Today is a hard day for me. Today is one of those days when I should just shut off the computer and not read any of it. Some days I just hurt when I see other moms having their second or third baby since I have had Ella. I wish with all my heart that I could be there too. That I could be on my second or third baby by birth. I wish that even with a history of PPD, I could be afforded that opportunity. If I think back though, there is no way on earth that I could have managed another pregnancy, let alone a birth even in the last 1-2 years. I know it was not possible. That does not mean though that it does not hurt or grieve me. It does - alot.
It just hurts today. Plain and simple.
Today, another baby is being born to someone I know. While I am so happy for her, honestly and truly, it hurts me deeply. It hurts me to see moms who can do it when deep down, I wish it was me.