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Friday, May 6, 2011

More babies

Today is a hard day for me. Today is one of those days when I should just shut off the computer and not read any of it. Some days I just hurt when I see other moms having their second or third baby since I have had Ella. I wish with all my heart that I could be there too. That I could be on my second or third baby by birth. I wish that even with a history of PPD, I could be afforded that opportunity. If I think back though, there is no way on earth that I could have managed another pregnancy, let alone a birth even in the last 1-2 years. I know it was not possible. That does not mean though that it does not hurt or grieve me. It does - alot.

It just hurts today. Plain and simple.

Today, another baby is being born to someone I know. While I am so happy for her, honestly and truly, it hurts me deeply. It hurts me to see moms who can do it when deep down, I wish it was me.

6 comments:

Flutterby said...

Love you Amy. I'm so sorry that you're suffering and that life hurts bad right now. You know it already, but I'm gonna say it anyway-it's okay to grieve over what can't be. It's okay to hurt and be sad. It IS a hard painfilled thing. You are brave and stronger than you think you are. You have a steadfast heart toward your Lord and you continue to walk the path that leads to Him eventhough it's filled with darkness and pain. I cheer you on and love you, and wish with all my heart I could take and carry it for you.

Emily S said...

I know the pain is there and the sadness. But maybe when you hold your adopted little one in the near future, some of the sorrow will melt away.

fluffynest said...

I'm really sorry Amy. I've been there for a different reason but I know how you feel. ((hugs))

Mighty M said...

Thinking of you!

Amy B. said...

Thanks ladies for all your kinds words and thoughts. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. Thanks for supporting me!

Brooke said...

I know how you feel. I may have another some day but I am jealous of the other moms who do so easily